What a Parenting Agreement Should Include: A Practical Irish Checklist

Parenting agreements rarely fail because the parents started with bad intentions. They fail because the agreement had gaps — questions that weren't answered, situations that weren't anticipated, clauses that were vague enough to be argued about later. The fix is a thorough checklist, applied at the drafting stage, that closes those gaps before they become disputes. This piece is that checklist, drawn from the gaps that come up most consistently in real Irish families.

Children's Living Arrangements

Where the children primarily live, in specific terms
The detailed weekly schedule — which nights with which parent, by day of the week
Handover times, including any flexibility around them
Handover locations — school, doorstep, neutral location
Transport responsibilities for handovers

School Holidays and Term Breaks

The Christmas schedule, alternated by year and specified in detail (typically Christmas Eve through Stephen's Day with one parent, the rest of the break split)
Mid-terms — typically alternated between parents
Easter — alternated or split
Summer holiday — typically two to three weeks each, with the regular schedule slotting around
Bank holidays falling within the school week
School closures and inset days — usually handled by whoever has the night before

Special Occasions

The children's birthdays — primary celebration with one parent, marked with the other
Mother's Day and Father's Day — child with the relevant parent
The parents' birthdays — child with the relevant parent for some part of the day
Significant family events as they arise
Religious occasions and sacraments — First Communion, Confirmation, where relevant

Decision-Making

The following decisions require both guardians' agreement: choice of school; significant medical interventions; religious upbringing; significant changes to extra-curricular activities; relocation outside the current school catchment
All other day-to-day decisions are made by whichever parent the children are with at the time
Where the parents cannot agree on a major decision, attempt to resolve by (a) direct discussion through the agreed communication channel, (b) family mediation, and only thereafter (c) such other steps as either parent considers appropriate

Communication Between Parents

The agreed channel (a named co-parenting app, an agreed email address, etc.)
Response times for non-urgent messages
Definition of "emergency" and how emergencies are handled
Scope: child-related matters only
Children are never used as messengers

Communication Between Children and the Other Parent

How the children stay in touch with the parent they're not with at any given time
Phone, video, and messaging — generally free access where age-appropriate
For younger children, scheduled calls at predictable times
The principle that neither parent will restrict the children's contact with the other

Health and Welfare

Both parents to be notified of medical appointments
Both parents to receive reports
Joint decision-making on significant interventions
Emergency procedures

Education

Both parents on the school's contact list
Both parents receiving reports
Parent-teacher meetings attended together or in separate slots
School trips and decisions handled jointly
Choice of school for the next stage of education handled jointly

Financial Matters

Reference to the maintenance arrangement (whether by agreement or by District Court order)
Framework for shared costs beyond maintenance
How one-off costs above an agreed threshold are decided
A clause keeping financial discussions structurally separate from parenting communication

New Partners

Minimum period of a new relationship before introduction to the children
Notice to the other parent
Whether new partners attend handovers or children's events

Travel and Relocation

Notice for taking children on holiday
Sharing of travel details
Written consent for international travel
A specific clause requiring meaningful notice and discussion of any proposed significant relocation

Dispute Resolution

A short section setting out the stepped process:

Direct discussion through the agreed channel
Family mediation under the Mediation Act 2017
Only thereafter, legal advice and possible application to the District Court

Review and Modification

Annual review built in
Trigger-based review for significant changes in circumstances
How modifications are agreed and documented
A short addendum or signed memorandum for minor changes; formal variation for major ones

Legal Status

Whether the agreement is informal, solicitor-drafted, or made a rule of court
If made a rule of court, the procedure for variation
Both parents' signatures and dates
Each parent retaining a copy in an accessible place

Why the Checklist Matters

Most disputes between separated Irish parents over the long term are about something specific — a clause that wasn't included, a situation that wasn't anticipated, a question that was left vague. A thorough checklist applied at drafting closes most of those gaps before they become disputes.

A solicitor practising family law can help draft the specific wording of any of these clauses and is essential if the agreement is going to be made a rule of court. The cost of getting the drafting right once is small relative to the cost of years of disputes about what was actually agreed.

For a complete drafted template covering each of these areas, see our Parenting Agreement toolkit in the shop. For tailored support on your specific situation, see the coaching page.